Until recently, I had forgotten how much I loved to write. As a retail business owner for the past eighteen years, the only opportunity I had in terms of writing was filling out contracts and composing memos to my employees which weren't always written in a professional manner- especially during the last years of owning the business. You see, I was at wit's end in terms of stress and it was evident in my mannerisms, speech and even through my facial expressions. I felt that I no longer owned the company and, instead, it ruled me and controlled my life. Luckily for me, my husband was quite perceptive and agreed to put the business up for sale through a broker. Luckily for us, we sold it in 2006 before all hell broke loose with the economy. So now, here I am for the past year and a half...in Philadelphia...(of all places) after leaving idyllic Half Moon Bay, California to return to school and complete a one-year accelerated masters program in Sustainable Design.
And this is how I discovered that I loved to write. Going back to school after twenty-four years was certainly a challenge but having to write papers and then, add in, the seemingly unending 97 page thesis forced me to rediscover what I used to love to do...which was to write. Therefore I decided that, even if I was the only person to ever read this blog, writing would be the vehicle to get me through this ordeal. Who knows? Maybe by writing my story, someone else may gain insight while trying to make a hard decision.
Five days ago, I turned 47. I know, huh? Ugh! However, there was nothing I could do about it or I would have...trust me. I also found out a few months back through a biopsy that LCIS was discovered in my right breast. Lobular Carcinoma In-Situ. "What the heck is that?" I thought to myself. The word "carcinoma" certainly cannot be a good sign since we all know what that means...... C-A-N-C-E-R. The phone call from my breast surgeon, Dr. Sataloff, was pretty routine in that there was no cause for alarm and she just wanted to talk to me about options going forward.
When we met at her office near Pennsylvania Hospital, Dr. Sataloff strongly urged me to see an oncologist to consider taking tamoxifin as a preventative measure since my risk factor of having breast cancer had increased by 25%. Normally, a 25% risk factor is of slight concern but adding to that the fact that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at 49 and died at 56 and the fact that I chose to not have children, that I had my period before I was 12 and that both my sister and I had dense and cystic breasts, the risk factor was now elevated to a 65-70% chance of getting invasive breast cancer. Wow! Now what?
I immediately switched into "research" mode so that I could be prepared before I met with the oncologist. Since I had just completed my thesis, I was able to access the university library online and thumb through the medical journals to learn more about LCIS. Interestingly enough, I found that it was an "in-between" cancer in that some considered it pre-cancer while most considered it a "marker" for getting breast cancer at a later date. Hmmmmm. As a very black and white person, this made the decision process more complicated in that I now had to weigh all the alternatives carefully because, technically, I was in purgatory somewhere between heaven and hell.
No comments:
Post a Comment